UPTIGHT TRUE-TECHIE TRU-FAN
05.01.1994
(Tune: Uptown Uptempo Woman, Randy Edelman)

It was his first Eastercon, he was all alone and scared
And when she sat down next to him he was shocked and unprepared
For the first words that she said were on the book he'd bought that day
She picked so many holes in it he threw the thing away
Then he told her he liked filking and she laughed and asked him "Why?"
An uptight true-techie tru-fan, and an offbeat off-key guy

It didn't take him long to see that he had lost his heart
But Science-fact won't easily go hand in hand with art
The stories he found beautiful she just thought incomplete;
Her views on Anne McAffrey almost knocked him off his feet
Though he gave all the ground he could she would not compromise
The uptight true-techie tru-fan, and the offbeat off-key guy

If the prose was a disaster then the poetry was worse
She found her skin began to crawl when faced with lines of verse
She couldn't sing the harmonies - she couldn't keep in time -
She'd rather cling to accuracy and sacrifice the rhyme
When challenged with a tuning fork she'd break down and cry,
"I'm an uptight true-techie tru-fan, you're an offbeat off-key guy" 

So once again it's Eastercon, I'm sat here with my jar,
My mem'ries and old melodies as I watch you (a)cross the Bar
Your face is set, your eyes are fixed; that old familiar smirk
As you tease and pick and prise apart somebody else's work
And you don't recognise me now, our bygones all went by
You're an uptight true-techie tru-fan, I'm an offbeat off-key guy